I have finally slept for three full nights now. I feel more in charge of life again, however, work is still stressful, and school still gnaws at my anxiety trip needle. It has been so nice here at home since the neighbors have cooled their jets. They suffered an 'accidental' shooting of one of their tribe. I know... I live in such an inspiring 'hood. I often sit and consider my surroundings and ask myself, "How did I get here from there?" My raising was soooo far from the likes of this place and these people. I keep wondering what I was supposed to take from the experience of living in such a place. I will discuss that on another philosophical post on a day when I'm feeling it... today I have too much on my plate and that tends to keep me in the hear and now.
So the nights are quieter and cooler and that makes it easier to be at home and for it to feel remotely my solace, if this place can be considered such a place. I noticed the start of the week school doesn't keep my attention any longer, and that's a bad sign in itself. I 'love' school. I love learning so much I crave education and will probably be a life long formal education junkie of some kind. University of Phoenix, however, is not the best school for me. Before I knock the 'team' learning environment let me explain that I am a team player, but with all the other facets of my life being off kilter at this moment, adding the pressure of pulling people through their education so I am able to obtain a decent grade is just too much. I've narrowed my choices of transfer down to two... Kaplan and Capella. Kaplan is about 100.00 more per class, but they include books into the cost. I will be sent text books every single term!!! Instead of the five week course system I'll be on ten which will give me an extended amount of time to study and read. I'll have two courses at a time, but will complete them in the same amount of time as with UoP so I shouldn't prolong my graduation much at all. It will be worth it in the long run.
Little by little I 'am' taking my life back, and will bounce back from this deadly concoction of stress, nerves, hormonal imbalance, caustic environments and too many dreams trying to come true at one time. :)
This week I am the team leader in my class at UoP so I'm a bit under the gun. I will be of much better mind after I turn in all my assignments tonight and can start the week off more relaxed and with a feeling of accomplishment. I haven't lost one ounce of weight since Wednesday, but that's okay too. It usually takes my mind a little time to get a few things in my life straight before I can clearly focus on a new task. I am working on a new place to live and that will eliminate the stress of worrying when a bullet will penetrate the walls of our kingdom (ha), no amount of savings on rent is worth this stress. Besides, this place is toxic in other ways and just isn't good for us. I worked very late Friday night to finally bring my desk current, or near to. This little extra time will enable me to work a regular work day 'with breaks and a lunch'. I hope for better leadership and a change in my direct working environment soon. I miss having fun doing my work; I want that back.
All these things will take just a bit of time to work out, but after I have change set in motion, nothing stops me. I'm like a dog with a bone.
I picked up a few books at Costco yesterday. One was the third book from Jillian Michael's; a.k.a. the woman you love to hate if you are a fatty. lol I like her. Her first book is what pumped my spirit and internal drive to lose the weight last year and had me walking into a public gym for the first time in my life. The second book was for folks who couldn't lose that last fifteen pounds. It was a die-hard regimine that pounded the body into shape and was a little much for me. The book isn't me for two reasons; I never made it to 'the last fifteen pounds', and no part of my personal journey has included being a gym bunny. I hate it. I will never enjoy working out enough to spend 8-15 hours in the gym per week. Thirty to forty-five minutes 3 or 4 times a week is about all anyone is ever going to get from me. I know I'm going to like her third book because it is all about hormones and how they are our metabolism. I didn't have to read beyond the second page to know this book was a good one. I'll write a review and thoughts about the read in my reading blog.
According to the calendar I have 358 days to go. Today I have the energy to face these small challenges that will eventually lead to simplification of my life. I am very excited and looking forward to the change because I am tired of feeling my heart working harder even when I'm lying still. I'm tired of rising from my desk and feeling like an old lady because my joints are stiff and aching. I'm tired of waking up tired and dreading the day. I'm tired of looking at me and not recognizing the person in the reflection.
I am looking forward to taking my life back and living the life I know I'm meant to live!!!!
So the nights are quieter and cooler and that makes it easier to be at home and for it to feel remotely my solace, if this place can be considered such a place. I noticed the start of the week school doesn't keep my attention any longer, and that's a bad sign in itself. I 'love' school. I love learning so much I crave education and will probably be a life long formal education junkie of some kind. University of Phoenix, however, is not the best school for me. Before I knock the 'team' learning environment let me explain that I am a team player, but with all the other facets of my life being off kilter at this moment, adding the pressure of pulling people through their education so I am able to obtain a decent grade is just too much. I've narrowed my choices of transfer down to two... Kaplan and Capella. Kaplan is about 100.00 more per class, but they include books into the cost. I will be sent text books every single term!!! Instead of the five week course system I'll be on ten which will give me an extended amount of time to study and read. I'll have two courses at a time, but will complete them in the same amount of time as with UoP so I shouldn't prolong my graduation much at all. It will be worth it in the long run.
Little by little I 'am' taking my life back, and will bounce back from this deadly concoction of stress, nerves, hormonal imbalance, caustic environments and too many dreams trying to come true at one time. :)
This week I am the team leader in my class at UoP so I'm a bit under the gun. I will be of much better mind after I turn in all my assignments tonight and can start the week off more relaxed and with a feeling of accomplishment. I haven't lost one ounce of weight since Wednesday, but that's okay too. It usually takes my mind a little time to get a few things in my life straight before I can clearly focus on a new task. I am working on a new place to live and that will eliminate the stress of worrying when a bullet will penetrate the walls of our kingdom (ha), no amount of savings on rent is worth this stress. Besides, this place is toxic in other ways and just isn't good for us. I worked very late Friday night to finally bring my desk current, or near to. This little extra time will enable me to work a regular work day 'with breaks and a lunch'. I hope for better leadership and a change in my direct working environment soon. I miss having fun doing my work; I want that back.
All these things will take just a bit of time to work out, but after I have change set in motion, nothing stops me. I'm like a dog with a bone.
I picked up a few books at Costco yesterday. One was the third book from Jillian Michael's; a.k.a. the woman you love to hate if you are a fatty. lol I like her. Her first book is what pumped my spirit and internal drive to lose the weight last year and had me walking into a public gym for the first time in my life. The second book was for folks who couldn't lose that last fifteen pounds. It was a die-hard regimine that pounded the body into shape and was a little much for me. The book isn't me for two reasons; I never made it to 'the last fifteen pounds', and no part of my personal journey has included being a gym bunny. I hate it. I will never enjoy working out enough to spend 8-15 hours in the gym per week. Thirty to forty-five minutes 3 or 4 times a week is about all anyone is ever going to get from me. I know I'm going to like her third book because it is all about hormones and how they are our metabolism. I didn't have to read beyond the second page to know this book was a good one. I'll write a review and thoughts about the read in my reading blog.
According to the calendar I have 358 days to go. Today I have the energy to face these small challenges that will eventually lead to simplification of my life. I am very excited and looking forward to the change because I am tired of feeling my heart working harder even when I'm lying still. I'm tired of rising from my desk and feeling like an old lady because my joints are stiff and aching. I'm tired of waking up tired and dreading the day. I'm tired of looking at me and not recognizing the person in the reflection.
I am looking forward to taking my life back and living the life I know I'm meant to live!!!!
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